Comparing The First TV Commercials By Facebook, Twitter, And Google

Now that these three tech titans have all made a TV Commercial, let’s compare them! All of these commercials are targeted at first-time users, so we’re going to try and watch and react to them from that point of view. First up is the new commercial on the block, the one by Facebook, which they released today in honor of their 1 Billion user milestone— an insanely impressive feat that should always be celebrated with over-produced, esoteric videos.

1. Facebook

First-Time User: Facebook is like chairs, airplanes, bridges, doorbells, aka shit that is boring. Not a single shot of the product, but I guess I know what Facebook is anyhow because all my friends are always using it to show me their wedding photos or invite me to their “album release party”. In case I don’t know what Facebook is, it’s apparently the shining beacon in my dark and lonely universe.

2. Google

First-Time User: Man I love Paris. Looks like this Google thing can help me get there. What— Flights are 1600 bucks!? FUCK. THAT. I’m also not ready for a baby. Google says if I go to Paris I’ll have a baby in a hot minute. I do NOT need that in my life right now. I can barely clean my own apartment, much less build a crib.

3. Twitter*

* Disclosure: The writer of this post used to work for Twitter.

First-Time User: Twitter is for Nascar fans. But what if I hate Nascar? Although I do like it when they crash. Also this Nascar dude seems very amused by the picture he’s taking, or maybe he’s reading Tweets? I don’t understand, is his breakfast outside his car window? Is that what he’s tweeting? I thought that’s what Twitter is: the perfect companion to the most important meal of the day. Ah fuck it— I’ll just use Instagram and eat Pop-Tarts.